i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
