I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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