Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
