Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
