wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
