Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
