I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
