I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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