im drinking this country out of the recession.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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