you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
