life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
