he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
