I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
