I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
