The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
