shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
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