The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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