Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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