all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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