I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
