I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
