but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
