He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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