So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
