Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
