return my video game
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
