you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
