I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize