just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
