I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
