she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
