sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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