My room smells like vodka and shame
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
