i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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