oh god the rape fog is back!
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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