Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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