it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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