My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I can feel your judgement through the phone
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
