when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
