Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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