yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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