I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
