it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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