So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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