Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I just want nice things and good sex
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
