well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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