I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
