i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
