Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
