After last night, I could never be a politician.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
